Children

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor he was going to give him a lot of money when he grew up.

'Well, thank you,' the pastor replied, 'but why?'

'Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had!'

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"

"A cat!" said Suzy.

"Good job! Now, what's this animal?"

"A dog!" said Ricky.

"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

"A horny bastard!" called out Eddie.

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, 'Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'

'No. You had your chance.'

A minute later the boy screamed 'Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'

'No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'

'Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?'

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, "Hey, what're you in for?"

"I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried," said Tim.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Sammy said. "I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!"

"Oh yeah?' replied Tim. "That's not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?"

"I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is," Sammy answered.

"Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!"