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first grade proverbs
 
 
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here's what the kids came up with:

  1. Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
  2. Strike while the... bug is close.
  3. It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.
  4. Never underestimate the power of... termites.
  5. You can lead a horse to water but... how?
  6. Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.
  7. No news is... impossible.
  8. A miss is as good as a... Mr.
  9. You can't teach an old dog... math.
  10. If you lie down with dogs, you... will stink in the morning.
  11. Love all, trust... me.
  12. The pen is mightier than... the pigs.
  13. An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
  14. Where there is smoke, there's... pollution.
  15. Happy is the bride who... gets all the presents.
  16. A penny saved is... not much.
  17. Two is company, three's... The Musketeers.
  18. None are so blind as... Helen Keller.
  19. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
  20. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
  21. You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
  22. When the blind lead the blind... get out of the way.
  23. There is no fool like... Aunt Edie.
  24. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and... you have to blow your nose.
urinate
 
 
Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "Okay class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah."

Sarah said, "Cows have spots.

Terrence said, 'Baseball is a sport."

Carla said, "Computers are electronic."

Bobby said, "Urinate."

Mrs. Flebs said, "Bobby, urinate is a word, not a sentence."

Bobby said, "Not ‘urinate', it's you're an eight. And if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."

cherry pop
 
 
Three girls are sitting around, totally bored so one girl suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal boyfriends and name them after soda pops.

"I want mine to be 7-Up, 'cause 7 days a week he's up."

"I want mine to be Mountain Dew 'cause when he's in between my mountains, we'll be doing it."

"Mine's gonna be Jack Daniel's."

"You can't do that. Here we are talking about soda pop and you're talking about a hard liquor."

"Exactly."

playing doctor
 
 
A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.

"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his penis. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face.

"My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!"


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