Business

Bill Clinton goes back to America and tells Congress and the Senate that he has bad news and good news. The bad news is the world is going to end in three days, the good news is that they can finally stop all those investigations of him.

Bill Gates goes back to Seattle and tells Microsoft that he has bad news and good news. The bad news is that the world will end in three days. The good news is that there won't be a follow up to Windows 98.

Jean Creitian goes back to Canada and says he has good news, really good news and amazingly good news: "The good news god thinks I am a world leader, the really good news is that all those problems with the budget won't exist in three days and the amazingly good news is that I won't have to put up with that annoying little twit Preston Manning any more."

She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, 'It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold'

The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one.

The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object.

The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, 'What do you have in it?' she says, 'Soup, and ice cream!'

1. You wake up face down on the pavement.
2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
4. You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office.
5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
7. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
9. You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don't have a waterbed.
10. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
11. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
12. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
13. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
14. You wake up and your braces are locked together.
15. You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
16. Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
17. Your paycheck bounces.
18. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
19. Your pet rock snaps at you.
20. Your wife says, 'Good morning, Bill' and your name is George.

"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"

"I'd have to say the living one."