2) You now think of three espressos as 'getting wasted.'
3) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
5) You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, 'What's for dinner?'
6) Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
7) You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
8) You didn't give your wife a Valentine's card this year, but you posted one for your email buddies via a Web page.
9) Your daughter just bought CDs of all the worst records your college roommate used to play.
10) Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.
11) You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for half the price you paid.
12) The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
13) Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags our of the backseat of your car.
14) Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have email addresses.
15) You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16) You refer to your dining room table as "the flat filing cabinet."
17) Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
18) You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
19) You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
20) You think a 'half-day' means leaving at 5 o'clock.
21) You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.
- Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
- Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
- When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
- Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
- Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
- Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
- Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
- Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
- Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."
- You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
The assistant says, '$2000.' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, 'This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'
'What about the green one?' the man asks.
The assistant says, 'He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.'
'What about the red one?' the man asks.
The assistant says, 'That one's $10,000.'
The man says, 'What does HE do?'
The assistant says, 'I don't know, but the other two call him boss.'
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