business jokes jokes

There is one big difference between genius and stupidity; genius has limits.

Things are more like today than they ever were before.

Things could be worse; suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.

Things get worse under pressure.

Things go right so they can go wrnog.

Thinking is hard work. One can't bear burdens and ideas at the same time.

This "law" has been intentionally left blank.

This "law" was inadvertently left blank.

This is clearly another case of too many mad scientists and not enough hunchbacks.

This space for rent.

Those most opposed to serving on committees are made chairmen.

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Those with the best advice offer no advice.

To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.

To attract maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

To err is human. To admit it is a blunder.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is even more human.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.

To err is human. To forgive is simply not company policy.

Two monologues do not make a dialogue.

Two rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break.

Unless absolutely essential, borrowing to buy a depreciating asset is dumb.

Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal.

Urgency varies inversely with importance.

Usefulness is inversely proportional to its reputation for being useful.

Virtue is its own punishment.

Wasting time is an important part of living.

Cropp's Law: The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

Bo Diddeley's Observation On The Law: Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.

Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom: Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly manifests their lack of progress.

Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration: The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.

Demian's Observation: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read "Abandon hope all ye who enter here".

DeVries's Dilemma: If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper.

Dr. Caligari's Comeback: A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.