business jokes

If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.

If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.

If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.

If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.

If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.

If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.

If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.

If you put it off long enough, it might go away.

If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life.

If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops.

If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.

If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.

If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.

If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.

If you throw something away, you will need it the next day.

If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

If you understand it, it is obsolete.

If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.

It works better if you plug it in.

If you want to get along, go along.

If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.

Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down"

In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right.

In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

Incompetence is a double-edged banana.

Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. - Andrew Young, American politician

Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.

Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always chosen intelligently. - Larry Niven 'Protector'

Interchangable parts won't.

Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.