business jokes

Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.

Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.

Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.

Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.

Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.

Lieberman's Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.

Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law: 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Mason's First Law of Synergism: The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

May's Law: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)

Meade's Maxim: Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Mencken's Law: There is always an easy answer to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

Muir's Law: When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Ninety-Ninety Rule Of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Nolan's Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Nowlan's Theory: He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Oliver's Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Orben's Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.

Osborn's Law: Variables won't, constants aren't.

Ozman's Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.

O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible

O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.

Parkinson's Laws: First Law - Work expands to fill the time available for its completion. Second Law - Expenditures rise to meet income. Fourth Law - The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done. Law of Committees - The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item. Fifth Law - If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it. Sixth Law - Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.