business jokes

Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.

Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Everything takes longer than you think.

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.

Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.

Excellence can be attained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.

Exceptions always outnumber rules.

People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made.

People who think they know everything upset those of us who do.

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

People will buy anything that is one-to-a-customer.

People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

Perfection is achieved only on the point of collapse.

Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.

Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning.

Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace automation.

Pick good people; talent never wears out.

Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Please do not steal, the IRS hates competition!

Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.

Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.

Producing a system from a specification is like walking on water; it's easier if it's frozen.

Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

Real programmers don't grumble about the disadvantages of Fortran when they don't know any other language.

Real programmers don't notch their desks for each completed service request.

Real programmers don't number paragraph names consecutively.

Real programmers print only clean compiles.

Real programmers write readable code, which they then self-righteously refuse to explain.

Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.

Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.

Repetition does not establish validity.

Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Rule of defactualization: information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.