business jokes

Galbraith's Law of Human Nature: Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of these states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.

Gilb's Laws Of Unreliability: 1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. 3) Udetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. 4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.

Ginsberg's Theorem: 1. You can't win. 2. You can't break even. 3. You can't even quit the game.

Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability: Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.

Glyme's Formula for Success: The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Goebel's Law Of Useless Difficulty: Just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's worth the effort.

Goebel's Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn't worth doing.

Goebel's Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.

Goebel's Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.

Goebel's Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you're going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.

Goebel's Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don't have a chance of seeing it before that time.

Goebel's Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.

Goebel's Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?

Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly

Goldenstern's Rules: 1. Always hire a rich attorney. 2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Gordian Maxim: If a string has one end, it has another.

Gordon's First Law: If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Gordon's Object Lifespan Theorem: No matter the amount of care given the purchased object, it will fuse/explode/disassemble within three days of warranty expiration.

Gordon's Warranty Law: All warranty clauses expires upon bill payment.

Government's Law: There is an exception to all laws.

Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.

Gray's Law of Programming: 'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as 'n' tasks.

Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Gummidges's Law: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.