Barroom

A guy walks into a bar and says, "I think I've heard this one before!"

Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Powell and Rumsfeld?" The barkeep says, "Yep, that's them." So, the guy walks over to the two and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?" Rumsfeld says, "We're planning World War III," to which the guy replies, "Really? What's going to happen?" Rumsfeld says, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman." And the guy exclaims, "Why are you going to kill a bicycle repairman!?!" With that, Rumsfeld turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 10 million Afghans!"

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive young woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it."

Intrigued, the woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says that you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles & replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

The man exclaims, "Damn - this thing must be an hour fast!"

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"

She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrst prrrize!"