Barroom

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, 'I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here.' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.

'I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink,' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers.

The bartender says, 'I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.

The thrid string says 'Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers.

The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, 'You a string?'

"Frayed knot,'he replies.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were.
The Englishman says, 'I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in.'
The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.
'Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car,' he laments, 'and she doesn't even know how to drive!'
The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.
However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. 'Ah, it kills me everytime I think of it,' he chuckles. 'My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn't even have a penis!'

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, “I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw!”