Barroom

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across the lanes of a road.
"Get out of the car, please."
"But I'm not drunk, officer!"
"Listen, it doesn't matter if you're drunk or not. If you don't get out of this car, I'll arrest you anyway."
"Fine," says the man and gets out of the car.
"Okay, now walk this yellow line." The man looks at the line.
"Which one of them do I walk on?"

Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"

The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"

One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender for a beer. He chugged it, looked into his pocket, asked for another beer. He chugged that one, then looked into his pocket, and asked for another beer.

This went on for a while until the bartender finally asked, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"

The man said, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough to go home."

How do you know your bartender doesn't like you any more?

There is a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary!