nerdz
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying 'Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
'You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?'
'I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.'
'Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,' he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
'Why did you do that?'
'Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.' The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
'What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
'Well, sure,' says the patrolman. 'But you can't bait 'em.'
'You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?'
'I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.'
'Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,' he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
'Why did you do that?'
'Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.' The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
'What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
'Well, sure,' says the patrolman. 'But you can't bait 'em.'
new fda alcohol warnings for booze bottles
- Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
- Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a loser.
- Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.
- Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
- Consumption of alcohol may convince you that your ex is really dying to hear from you at 4 am.
- Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
- Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
- Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you're tougher than a really big guy named Kong.
- Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
- Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
- Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small... or large gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
- Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
night club
A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer won't let him in the guy asks, "'Why not?"
"Because you're not wearing a tie," says the bouncer.
"But I have come all the way from the other end of town," says the guy.
"Sorry mate, that's the rules," says the bouncer.
So the guy goes back to his car to try and see if he can find a tie or something like one. He finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around himself, and goes back to the club.
"Is this all right?" he asks the bouncer.
"Well, all right then," replies the bouncer. "But I'll be watching you - don't start anything!"
no, officer
A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over by a policeman.
"Sir," says the cop. "You were going 60 in a 50."
"No, I wasn't."
"Yes, you were," says the wife.
"Keep quiet!" says the man, angrily.
"And you weren't wearing a seatbelt," says the cop.
"Yes I was."
"No, you weren't," says the wife.
"SHUT UP!" says the man, really angry.
"Ma'am," asks the cop, "is he always the rude and violent?"
"Only when he's DRUNK."
"Sir," says the cop. "You were going 60 in a 50."
"No, I wasn't."
"Yes, you were," says the wife.
"Keep quiet!" says the man, angrily.
"And you weren't wearing a seatbelt," says the cop.
"Yes I was."
"No, you weren't," says the wife.
"SHUT UP!" says the man, really angry.
"Ma'am," asks the cop, "is he always the rude and violent?"
"Only when he's DRUNK."
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