Barroom

What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant fart?
One's a bar room and the other is a BAROOOOM!

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman appear in the driver's rear-view mirror. 'Don't worry!' says the driver to his friend, 'Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, we'll peel the labels off our beer bottles and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!'

They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks. 'Have you been drinking?' he asks them.

'Oh no Sir,' replies the driver.

'I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you haven't been drinking?' the cop asks.

'Oh, no sir,' the drunk answers. 'We haven't had a thing to drink tonight.'

'Well, I've got to ask you,' says the cop, 'What on earth are those things on your forehead?'

'That's easy, Officer,' says the drunk. 'You see, we're both alchoholics, and we're on the patch!'

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Jim stops him and asks, "Hey Frank! Whacha get the case of beer for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Frank. "Oh!" exclaims Jim, "Good trade."

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."