Barroom

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered.
The first guy said, 'Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!'
Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, 'YOU'RE ON!'
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. 'WOW,' screamed the 2nd guy, 'That was incredible. Do it again!'
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. 'That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"

'Ok,' said the first guy, 'But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."
The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. 'Your turn,' he said.

So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. 'This is easy. He did it, so can I!"
The much pumped second man, took a deep breath, and heaved his body out the window. He fell straight to the ground and died instantly upon impact. Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer.
The bartender remarked, 'You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman!'

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across from the bartender. The bartender sees the man poking at his hand and putting it next to his ear, and asks him, "What are you doing?

The man replies, "Oh, it's the newest technology -- I have a phone built right into my hand." The man puts his hand next to the bartender's ear and, sure enough, the bartender hears a dial tone.

After a few drinks, the man goes into the bathroom. The bartender notices that he has been gone for almost a half-hour. Concerned, he goes into the bathroom to check it out. When he walks in, he sees the man with his hands on the wall standing with his legs apart and pants down. He has the end of a roll of paper towels shoved up his butt. Shocked, the bartender yells, "What are you doing?!"

The man groans and replies, "I'm waiting for a fax."

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"

"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"

"I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.

She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.

She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club."

The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.

So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?"

The little old lady said, "Yeah, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.

The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?"

The little old lady said, "Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."

The biker was impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."