Barroom

Hey baby, are those space pants? Cuz your butt is outta this world!

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.'

The bear replies, 'If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there.'

The bartender says, 'Go ahead.'

So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs.'

'What do mean,' says the bear. 'I'm not on drugs.'

'Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.'

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and asks, "Does anyone knows who's Doberman Pincher is outside chained up?
The burliest, ugliest and hairiest guy in the joint stands up and mutters, "It's mine old timer? What's it to you?"
"I hate to be the bearer of such dreadful news, but I believe the poor beast has passed on," explained the old man.
"What? Are you sure? How did he die?" asked the shocked biker guy. "It seems that my dog killed him, I'm sorry to say," replied the old man.
"I don't buy it," remarked the biker in disbelief, "No dog could beat my Brutus.
"It's true, my Gunther killed him."
"Oh yeah? Well, what kind of dog is your Gunther, anyway?"
"A Chihuahua," answered the old man.
"There is no way that a measely little Chihuahua could have killed Brutus. No way."
"If you don't believe me, take a look for yourself," instructed the man, "It looks he tried to swallow him whole and choked to death."