Barroom

Bloke walks into a pub with a cheese sandwich under his arm. 'A pint of Guinness and a half for the cheese sandwich?' he says to the barman. 'I'm sorry, sir,' comes the reply, 'we don't serve food in here.'

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. He orders a drink and the barman asks, 'Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?'
The man replies, 'It's a long-running family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday.'
To which the barman remarks, 'Then I have some bad news for you - it's Wednesday.'
Sheepishly, the man says, 'Oh dear, I must look like a real fool!'

Did you hear about the man who got drunk?
It was his own fault for sitting in a teacup!

How do you know your bartender doesn't like you any more?

There is a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary!