Barroom

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you!

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for the next day's class.
One boy came in and said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
The second boy said, "Don't judge a book by it's cover."
Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, "I asked my Uncle Johnny for a moral and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me because it was homework." The teacher said, "What is the moral, Johnny?"

"DON'T MESS WITH UNCLE JOHNNY WHEN HE'S DRINKING!!!'

Why don't the members of Al Qaeda go out to bars?

Because they can get bombed at home.

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the whole night in a bar drinking. He was carrying his little Scotch bottle in the left shirt pocket just in case. Suddenly, a robber appears and threatens him with a gun. The Scot gets scared, and the attacker shoots, aiming towards his heart, and then runs away.
The Scot falls down, puts his hand on his left pocket and feels something wet. He cries, 'Oh my God! I hope it's blood!' '