"You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this vast forest we're hiking through."
"I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
"Good idea," said the third explorer. "You go first."
"Okay," said the first explorer. "C, ay."
"My turn," said the second explorer. "N, ay."
Unfortunately, before the third explorer could choose a letter, a bear jumped out of the trees and killed and ate all three explorers. Eventually, some guy came along and named the country after his aunt.
INTERNATIONAL GUIDE TO IMPORTANT QUESTIONS NOT TO ASK*
"Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?"
"Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren't the French just Germans who can make sauces?"
"Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O's! "
"Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?"
"Is this bratwurst kosher?"
"Where's the hash at? It's cool to slaughter Kurds though, right?"
"Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?"
"This wall isn't so great."
"Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?"
"Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?"
"Yemen? That's a stupid name for a country. What's it mean ‘Land Of Fanatics And Desert'?"
"You don't live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?"
"After a long day of travel, I'm famished. Hey – those flies sure love your newborn!"
"You're like Americans without money."
"So, this is the country that's not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?"
"I liked it better the other way."
"Cancun is nice, but the rest of this third world country sucks!"
"Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?"
"Is it always this cold and economically devastated?"
"Can you spell Uzbekistan?"
"I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy. Anyone ever tell you that you resemble a Turk?"
"Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?"
"What's Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?"
"How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?"
"You mean, you're all not loud, stupid, and fat?"
*These questions should not be shouted in English.
Check out Gerhard Reinke's WANDERLUST, Saturdays @ 11:30 PM | 9 C on Comedy Central.
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