Animals

What did Osama name his last daughter?

Camela - after her mother.

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

"A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, 'That parrot repeats everything he hears.'

'That's alright,' the man replied.

So the man bought the parrot and left the store.

As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.

The cop hollered to his partner, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

Then the parrot said, 'Shoot him down, shoot him down!'

They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.

The man said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up!'

They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

The parrot said, 'Hit a big one, win a prize!'

Then they walked into a church and sat down.

The minister was in the middle of the sermon.

He said, 'The Lord is above us.'

The parrot said, 'Shoot him down,shoot him down!'

The minister said, 'The devil is below us.'

The parrot said, 'Pop it up, pop it up.'

Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.

The parrot said,' Hit a big one, win a prize!'

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and the only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"