Animals

What is green and jumps from bed to bed?

A prostitoad.

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin...

"Warning: In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper."

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because he was stuck to the chicken's bottom.

A guy goes into a doctor's office with a frog growing out of his head.
"Tell me how it started," says the doctor.
"It started out as a bump on my ass," says the frog.