Animals

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

'Once there was husband and wife who had just bought a new mule. They were walking it down the street when the mule trips over a stone. The husband says, “That's one!”
They walk some more, when the mule trips over a stone again and the husband says, “That's two!”
Then the mule trips over a stone again. The husband says, “That's three,” and shoots the donkey!
The wife gets so mad and start's cursing at the husband and saying, “That was are only donkey! You were an idiot to shoot it!”
The husband says to his wife, that's ONE!”

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

Q. What's purple and leaps from tree to tree?
A. Squirrel!

Q. Then why is it purple?
A. It choked on a nut...'