Animals

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. 'Hi,' he croaks.'What's your name?'

The loan officer says, 'My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'

'Yeah,' says the frog. 'I'd like to borrow some money.'

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. 'Okay,what's your name?'

The frog replies, 'Kermit Jagger.'

'Really?' says the loan officer. 'Any relation to Mick Jagger?'

'Yeah, he's my dad.'

'Hmmm,' says the loan officer. 'Do you have any collateral?'

The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, 'Will this do?'

The loan officer says, 'Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'

'Oh, tell him I said hi,' adds the frog. 'He knows me.'

The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, 'Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'

The manager says: 'It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.'

What can a bird do that a man can't?

Eat with his pecker!

I was walking home when I noticed a couple of robins laying down in the sun. I let my talking cats out and the kitten said to her mom, 'I'm hungry!' So the mother cat said, 'What would you like?' The kitten replied, 'I don't know!'

Then the mother cat looked at the robins and said, 'How about some basking robins?'

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved, and he followed her everywhere. One morning she woke up, went to the bathroom, came out, and realized that her dog wasn't at her feet. She found him in his bed 'sleeping'. She called his name, but he didn't get up. So she took him to the vet and told the vet that her dog wouldn't wake up. So he looked at her dog and said, 'Your dog is dead'. She asked the doctor to perform another test to be sure.

The doctor went into another room, and came back with a cage. In it there was a cat. He let the cat out, and she walked arund the dog, sniffed, and went back in her cage. The doc put the cat back in the other room. He came out and said again, 'Your dog is dead'.

She was like 'Ok, how much do I owe you?'

The doctor said '$300'

She said, 'What!?!? How could it cost that much??'

He said '$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan'