Animals

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?"

The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."

Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"

The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink."

Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"

The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs - and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says that she is there to give her three wishes.

'I wish I was 21 and beautiful!' The wish is instantly granted.

'I wish I had a million dollars!' The wish is granted.

'I wish that my cat here were the most handsome guy in the world and was madly in love with me.' The wish is granted. The now young lady and her man go inside. They start to cuddle, and the man looks at her.

'Aren't you upset that you had me fixed?'

Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you drink water with that?