Animals

You're so fat that when you went to the zoo, the hippos got jealous.

Once there was a bear taking a dump in the forest. A rabbit walks by and the bear says, 'Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"

'No,' says rabbit.

"That's great!" says bear.

And bear picks up rabbit and wipes his butt with him.

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. 'Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, 'Nope.' As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, 'I thought you said your dog didn't bite!' The old man muttered, 'Ain't my dog.'

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.

The first guy said, 'Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.'

The second guy said, 'Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.'

The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.'

Then the first guy said, 'No -- you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"